change

SubhanAllah. I need to change.

Little by little inshaAllah.

But change must come.

Everyday inshaAllah, im going to try to work on something to make myself a better person.

and I need to keep reminding myself.

InshaAllah pray more nafl.

revise more quran.

Concentrate on akhlaaq.

inshaAllah. I cant wait for Umrah.

Allahu Akbar.

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah  I am going for Umrah!

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

InshaAllah

I shall continue to fantasize .InshaAllah.

dont give up.

SubhanAllah. Sometimes, when Allah puts a fitn on you, it really really gets hard.

Shaytaan will even come to you oh so many times.. He will raise these questions in your mind: Why? Why Allah why?!?!?! What did I do to deserve this?!?! I try so hard.. Ya Allah, I dont get it. Im lost… Ya rabb why did You do that?!?!

Astaghfirullah.. I know, never question your Lord.

But… dang. It gets so hard. You really think.. and I think that this moment is critical. What will you do when you need help. Will you continue to raise these questions, or will you turn to Allah. For help.

SubhanAllah. When I look back to the other trials I have had to face in my past, and I see how much I have changed from them, it makes me happier to know that I seem to have gotten closer to Allah.

Ibn Al Qayyim once wrote that a believer that goes through trials is like a rock that is constantly being hit by drops of water. The rock slowly erodes and from it, from the inside appears a beautiful shine.(horrible paraphrasing)

But yea, something that I got from this fitnah that Im going through is that you never know what someone is going through. On the outside they can be all smiles. You wont notice a thing. But subhanAllah, whats going on inside, can be a whole other story. Always make dua. For those around you. For your brothers and sisters. For all muslims.

Allah doesnt place a burden on someone that they can handle right?

Wow… I must be weak as anything. Much weaker than those that are living in poverty.

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generalizations.

The quran can bring honor to anyone. SubhanAllah. Really, it will bring so much honor to the most ghetto-est person you have ever seen.

The guy that is walking around on a limp, when he has no injury.

The guy that does not even speak proper english.

The guy that walks around and hangs out with girls.

Even the guy who is the most silent.

When it is time to pray, everyone will step aside and let that brother lead the prayer. Just yesterday I met this guy. Wow. I totally did not expect him to be a hafidh. But subhanAllah, he had very nice recitation mashaAllah. And he even prayed his sunnahs when I was about to skip. He reminded me. May Allah reward him and guide him.

You really cant let shaytaan bring these kinds of ideas into your head.  You can never tell what is inside ones heart. You can never tell what one’s intentions are. Dont ever think you are better than someone. Just because you have a beard. Or just because you wear hijab or jilbab or niqab, that doesnt mean anything.

Never judge a book by its cover.  It can lead you to arrogance.

Alhamdulillah, I learn new things everyday.

 God does not look at your forms and possessions, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.[Muslim]

You Hippo.

Why do we sometimes act one way in front of some people and then act another way infront of others. Why do we enjoin the good in public, and then, enjoin the evil in private. Ask yourself. Think to yourself. The things that you do when you are alone, the thoughts that come to your mind, everything you see, everywhere you go… Allah can see it all. Your true self, what is in your heart, will appear when you are alone. Why are you not afraid of falling into nifaq(hypocrisy). Umar ibn Al Khattab was at one point in time, afraid to death that he would be called out by Allah. He was afraid that he was going to be announced as a hypocrite. It is said that he once said while he was Ameer-ul-Mu’mineen, “How can I sleep? If I was to sleep in the day, then I would not be fulfilling my right to my people, and if I was to sleep at night, then I would not be fulfilling my right to Allah.

Ask yourself, the rate at which you are going.. the sins that you are committing… do you think that you deserve Jannah? How often do you read the Quran. How often do you reflect over its meanings? How much have you memorized. Better yet, how much have you implemented?

If the Angel of death was to approach you right now… would he come to you in anger…. or pleasure. Would your soul cling on to your body because of how much it loves this dunya, or would it flow out.

Compare yourself to the sahabahs. compare yourself to the salaf. compare yourself to the Prophet salallahu ‘alayhi wasalaam.

Where is your akhlaaq.

Where are your manners.

Where is your ibaadah.

Why are you so selfish.

Yet, we keep telling ourselves, that there should be a balance between deen and dunya. Thats not you speaking to yourself. Thats shaytaan whispering to you.

Our scales of dunya have overflowed, while our scales of deen have barely begun to fill.

Allahumma la takilni illa nafsi tar fata 3yn. Oh Allah, do not leave alone to myself, even for the blinking of an eye.

You should constantly ask yourself why you are doing the things you do. Play the “Why” game. Like a child does. Ask yourself why why why why why. By the 5th time you question yourself, you might be surprised to hear the answer.

Constantly renew your intentions. You should be doing everything for the sake of Allah. Do not forget that He can see you and hear you at all times.

Ya rabb al Alamin. Forgive us for our stupid mistakes.

“Verily, he knows the words you speak openly and He knows that thoughts which you hide.” (Al Anbiya: 110)

Oh you who believe, why do you say the things you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allah that you say that which you do not do. (Saff: 2-3)

Fantasize.

I fantasize about Makkah and Madinah all the time. If I start day dreaming about Madinah tul Munawarah, its soooo hard to stop. I miss it so much. I cant even begin to explain how much I miss it, how much I desire to go back. I sometimes feel like, I want to go for Umrah more than I want to get married. I cant believe I used to take all that for granted. I lived right on the red sea. I would go to makkah or madinah at least once a month. SubhanAllah. I was too young to appreciate it though. I remember the craziest things. The zamzam. everywhere. The beauty of Madinah. The beauty of Makkah. The shawarmas. The ‘itr. The beggars. The white marble. All the stores… with all the awesome toyyyyysss.

Allahu Akbar. Ramadan in Madinah was amazing. I remember for iftaar, all they would have is dates, bread, and yogurt, and water. Soooooo delicious. I would ask my mom to make me that when we moved to America. But..for some reason, it just didnt taste the same. Nai, muje Madinah wala yogurt chayyai.

Every year they have that Umrah Trip. SubhanAllah. Every year I plan to go.. but… something comes up. Something that I cant miss. something that forces me to stay here in this damn country, when I could be just laying down in peace in the Haram. Thats really one of the things I want to do. Go to the Haram and just lay there. in peace. and do dhikr. “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do heart find peace.”

Oh well, I dont think I will be able to go for a while now, because of school. After this summer I will probably be busy chasing the dunya, trying to make a living. InshaAllah, ill go for Umrah with my wife..and yes, she will be wearing niqab inshaAllah lol. ha. thatd be a crazy honeymoon. But ill be grateful for whatever Allah gives me. Im even grateful to be able to remember the haram. To be able to close my eyes, and imagine myself walking around looking at the beauty of everything. Im so thankful that Allah has made my heart so soft when it comes to Makkah and Madinah. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. I want my Madinah yogurt. And Alhamdulillah for these beautiful pictures. I can just stare for hours… but I need to go and study

(let me know ifyou want me to take the pics off)

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Brotherhood. Alhamdulillah. I have truly been blessed with awesome companions. Even those people who I only see at school, those brothers, I still benefit from them so much. Alhamdulillah. Its amazing how you can be talking to one of your brothers.. having one of those times when.. you hear things that you normally wouldn’t hear from him. When he starts to tell you things that have been bothering him. Or when you find out something about him.. something thats so crazy.. Something that..would make you want to stay away from him… but still.. theres that bond that will never be broken. This bond of friendship overpowers any other feeling that comes into your heart. All you start to care about.. is wanting to see your friend happy again.

Nothing else matters. You just want to see him smile. And as that happens, it makes you feel successful. To know that he no longer has that burden of guilt on his shoulders. SubhanAllah.

Guilt is something that can destroy a person from the inside. You can ask Allah for forgiveness all you want. But this guilt, is something that will stay with you.. and make you feel like a piece of crap. You will try to do anything to get it to leave your heart, but it just seems to like the place it found. Itll begin to eat you up inside out the more you think about it. But alhamdulillah, its only temporary.

Having someone to talk to is so important.

Salahuddin Al Ayyoubi. When his son died, no one heard any complaints from him at all. The most they saw, were tears coming down from his eyes. When he was asked about this, he said, “My complaints and sorrows are for Allah.” wow. you have to have a strong heart to be like that.

“Say: ‘O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Az-Zumar: 53)

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Al-Maut

SubhanAllah. Today I went to the cemetery to follow a janazah.

Allahu Akbar. I havent been in a cemetery in years. I forgot what it is like. The affect it has on you.

Seeing so many people under the ground. All dead. All gone.

All the money they gained, all the fame they got, all the women, all the glory…. They werent able to take anything with them.

Alhamdulillah, I got the carry the body quite a bit. I hear there is massive amounts of reward in carrying the body.

Before the body came, I was walking around looking at all the muslim names. All the muslims that were underground, with all their heads facing in one direction.

And then I saw her grave. One of my relatives. She was a mother of 4. 2 sons and 2 daughters. Both sons have hemophilia. So did she. She used to teach me quran.

dang, as I stood there, staring at her grave, I didnt know what to do. I remembered standing in that same exact spot years and years ago.(after you lower the body into the grave, it is sunnah for everyone to throw 3 handfuls of dirt into the grave before you cover it up with the rest of the dirt.)

I said salaam to her. And asked for her maghfirah. Then i started to get that feeling in my head.started to feel heavy..and yea..

SubhanAllah. Going to the cemetery is a humbling experience. And it is a crazy strong reminder. A reminder that you too will die. And you do not know when. I encourage all of you to go.

Maybe one day, we can all go together or something. Indeed, death is something that we all need to be reminded about.

and yes. I might as well add this because I know its gonna come out eventually from someone.,”Live as if you are going to die tomorrow, and Plan as if you are going to live forever.”

I kinda like that way I saw H.K. put it: Let the remembrance of death consume your thoughts.