I feel it again.

It keeps tugging on that invisible bond..

Ever since I came back from Umrah, I feel like….(ok this is weird) there is this invisible rope/bond/connection. Connecting my heart to …. Makkah. and Madinah. And every now and then, I feel it tugging, pulling me back, reminding me about how awesome it was to be there. SubhanAllah. Thinking back to how I spent my time there, I really regret a lot of the things that I did. All the time I wasted. But alhamdulillah, im so happy to at least have something to look back to. To think about. I wonder what it would be like if I just went there alone. meh.

I just wanna go back and sit in riyadhul jannah. Man.. subhanAllah. Chilling in Jannah. Thats so awesome. I want some of that zam zam water. I dont know what people are talking about when they say zam zam doesnt taste good. Man… I love zam zam. It was like the best thing ever especially right after walking for like 5 minutes in that hot weather. sooooo nice and cold alhamdulillah. dang. Theres so many awesome things there. SubhanAllah.

I remember sitting in Madinah waiting for jumuah to start. There was this guy walking around handing people cups of zam zam so they could drink while waiting. Man subhanAllah. Think about how much ajr he was getting. May Allah grant him Jannah and bring him ease and tranquility in his heart. You really have to lower yourself in front of others to do an act like that. Serving random people that you dont even know. SubhanAllah.

Alhamdulillah. I love Islam.

I still remember that guy that would be sitting there after maghrib pouring tea out for anyone that walked by. Man, that tea was sooooooooooooo goooooooooood. I want some more.. I want to listen to Hudhaify again…SubhanAllah.

well this was a weird post….

SubhanAllah. I may not be using this in the right way – but just reading that reminds me about how none of us are ever alone. Sometimes we may feel lonely, we may feel like we have no one to talk to, we may feel like no one wants to listen, we may feel like no one is with us. But we forget that Allah Azzawajjal is always there. He is always there waiting for us to turn to Him. We may not have any friends or people around us – but Allah is always there. Those are the times that I love to remember Him. Times that I love to praise Him. Just saying ‘SubhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. wa Laailaaha ilallah. Wallahu Akbar.’ – makes me feel at ease. It really brings that one ayah to light. Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find tranquility.

Dhikr.

La ilaha ilallah.

The beautiful thing about remembering Allah is that it can easily be done in secret. It will remain between you and your Lord. And even if someone can see that you are doing dhikr……. they dont know how much you are doing.

Build your relationship with Allah. Make it the strongest relationship you have.

Astaghfirullah Al Adheem.

Me: no

Shaytaan: You don’t even know what its like. How can you say no so fast?

Me: I know from others. Ive seen how bad it is. Ive seen what it can do to your brain….to you heart. NO.

Shaytaan: Ok, so you know what it does..but…why don’t you try it out so you actually know how bad it is. You will have some experience. When you warn someone from it.. you can speak with experience. And since you will have experienced it already… you will be stronger and will never do it again.

Me: Wait….wha?

Shaytaan: Yea, yea.. really.. Why do you think those who converted to Islam are so strong in their deen? Its because they have experienced all that other junk out there, and they really know how beautiful Islam is. You on the other hand are not even thankful. You should do it, so you can come back to Islam and then be stronger in your deen.

Me: What!? thats crazy… That would never work. That doesn’t even make sense…

Shaytaan: Ok ok, look at the sahabahs then. Why do you think they had so much taqwa? Why do you think that all they needed to hear was a small reminder, and that would put them back in line. It was because a majority of them accepted Islam. And a lot of them used to do it before – in their jahiliyya days. They know how bad it is.. They know what it does to you..and they turned out fine.

And they became the best of people. Don’t you want to be like them?

Try it out, and when you come back to Islam – just watch… you will be so firm. Nothing will be able to sway you. None of those distractions will matter. When you advise, you will advise from your heart. You will speak from experience.

Me: Thats stupid. Who’s to say that I will be able to come back to Islam? What if I stay there? Thats dumb. Idiot. Go away. Why are you even telling me this?

_______ : Why would Shaytaan be telling you this? This is what your heart is saying. This is what you feel inside.

Me: WHAT!..I dont think so. Astaghfirullah. Thats ridiculous. ‘Authubillah. You are shaytaan. And you just want me to lose my focus. Never. I will never listen to you.

SubhanAllah its amazing what reasoning shaytaan will use to whisper things into your mind. I think I just had to type out his reason to realize how ridiculous it sounded. For some reason it was making me think quite a bit in my mind. Or maybe I just think too much.

But now I laugh. So stupid.

I kinda like it though. In a way. I can feel the difference.

Ramadan= no shaytaan

Not Ramadan= SHAYTAAN

I woke up late today, almost missed suhoor. I rolled off my sofa and ran to the kitchen – stuffed down a pb&j sandwhich.. at least I think it was pb&j… too early for me to care. Stuffed it down with some water and then it was fajr time  so I prayed then went back to sleep.

Then at school – shaytaan is everywhere. SubhanAllah. Its so crazy how I can feel the difference. Fitnah feels more.. and its harder to stay concentrated. As in – dhikr mode. My mind seems to always get distracted.

Alhamdulillah though, inshaAllah the harder we strive the more reward we get.

Its kinda of a sad feeling though… thinking about ramadan.. and all the reward that was available. And now its gone until next time inshaAllah.

If I get this job then ill be really busy. Man subhanAllah, I wont be able to just chill and do nothing.

Work.

School.

Study.

Sleep.

and over and over again.

It should be a good experience I guess. Ill have to dress up every single day I have work. And ill probably hear the usual – “Who are you proposing to?” – joke like a million times.

But its all good even if I dont get it. Alhamdulillah. If I dont get it then it probably just wasnt best for me. Allah has already planned out my life. I just gotta try hard to live up to it. And Allah is the best of Planners. Just gotta remember that.

Kid: “So…Iblis didnt bow down to Adam because he was awwogant(arrogant)? and thats why he is going to be punished??”

Brother: “Umm… yea basically.”

Kid: “But..what if I talk to him and get him to say sorry to Allah? Please… let me talk to him!”

hahaha. Some of these say the funniest things mashaAllah.

SubhanAllah. It was revealed in Arabic. If you want to understand it completely, you need to learn Arabic. Much of what is in the quran  is not shown justice when it is translated, yet Allah still gives us this blessing.

Allahu Akbar.

I dont know what we would do if it wasnt translated.

Alhamdulillahi Rabbil ‘Alamin.

I really liked what one of the uncles announced yesterday. One uncle was making a fuss about the fans and stuff and people were getting all grumpy, then this uncle came infront of everyone and was like, “Alhamdulillah, lets all take it easy now. Everythings going to be fine. This is the month of Ramadan, and Ramadan is the month where you give things up and be patient”. It was so awesome. I really like those uncles. There arent very many of them. I was talking to him earlier and he was telling me about how people just like to complain and that he has to deal with a lot of whiners. Hah. May Allah reward him for all the work he does.

Be patient. Because patience is beautiful.

We have had electricity all of our lives. If we were to take the mentality of Ayyoub Alayhisalaam then subhanAllah, things would be different. Allahu Akbar. Ayyoub Alayhissalaam was amazing. He had sabr and shukr. Iblis took away his wealth, with the permission of Allah. Iblis took away his children, with the permission of Allah. Iblis took away his health, with the permission of Allah. Yet still, he continued to praise Allah and was grateful.

When Iblis took away his wealth, Ayyoub Alayhissalaam said:

“What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for awhile. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills.”

When Iblis took away his children, Ayyoub Alayhisalaam said:

“Allah sometimes gives and sometimes takes. He is sometimes pleased and sometimes displeased with our deeds. Whether a thing is beneficial or harmful to me, I will remain firm in my belief and remain thankful to my Creator.”

When Iblis took away his wealth, and whispered things to Ayyoub’s wife, Ayyoub alayhisalaam said:

Tell me how long did I enjoy good health and riches?” She replied: “80 years.”
Then Job replied: “How long am I suffering like this?”
She said: “7 years.”
Job then told her: “In that case I am ashamed to call on my Lord to remove the hardship, for I have not suffered longer than the years of good health and plenty.”

Wow subhanAllah. Now that is patience! But of course I cant expect people to have that kind of patience nowa days, but at least a little! People before us used to pray in much worse conditions! Alhamdulillah, if nothing else, Im sure this experience taught many to be thankful for what they have. I for sure learned many things alhamdulillah.

Lets see, I think i started off cleaning the living room, because it was all messed up since we basically turned our house into a shelter since the hurricane hit. Lots of people dont have power so weve had people sleeping over and chilling at our house. Then I had to clean my old room(i dont have a room anymore – long story). Then I think I vacuumed and didnt a lot of other housework. Dang, where are the women in my house!? oh well, lets not go there.. I might as well count myself in as a woman in my house.. I just recently made some heart-shaped brownies……………… yea, lets not go there either, something I am trying to forget. Wow. then I went outside and raked all the leaves. omg. I HATE leaves. There are too many leaves. Alhamdulillah, though… I got to meet my neighbors. Pretty nice people. I think they own “Ron Carter” or something, because they always have like 5 Hummers on the driveway. Then I didnt all this other work outside and then went inside and crashed on the floor heh. By that time it was already almost iftaar time so I went ahead and took a shower. man subhanAllah.

Whats worse is when you do all this work and its goes by unnoticed. As if you didnt do anything. As if all you did was work your butt off – for nothing. But then again, it didnt exactly to unnoticed. There was atleast one witness. Allah. And as long as I please Him I guess thats all that should matter. Im going to have to do a lot of work, but im sure there is a reason. Im sure there is a reason that every single time my dad leaves to go out of the country, something crazy happens in my house that ends up falling on my shoulders. Alhamdulillah. I think this is Allah’s way for preparing me. Preparing me for new things. For a new life. Id like to be prepared. Id like to not have to depend on my parents for everything. Last time my dad left, I got hit really bad in my car and I had to deal with all this insurance crap. Alhamdulillah, looking back… I really learned a lot. Thats the funny thing about the tests that Allah gives.. you might not like them at the moment, but after it is over, you realize how much you have benefited from them, and in a way, are greatful for it. Alhamdulillah. Now I just need to get a job. And then learn how to manage my time wisely. Ill have school, work, dawah activities, and family time. Man I really need to learn how to manage my time. and give each its equal right. InshaAllah I will keep busy. Thats how I like it. Busy busy. That way there is less time for me to mess up. If I am bored and not doing anything, shaytaan will be able to get at me.

But not this month…….. hes locked up